“Just don’t drive with the baby…”
I looked directly into his eyes as I recited those words. I made sure to speak with clear precision and strength.
He gazed back at me, with complete emptiness in his eyes and a joker grin. He promised he wouldn’t leave his Aunt’s house that evening.
I already knew that deep inside, he wasn’t there. I recognized this face… seen it many times before.
I gave them both a kiss and put on my coat.
After finding my way out and down the stairs, I pushed open the big black door into the wind and started walking back to the car.
I couldn’t find parking close by earlier that afternoon, so I had to go a few blocks away.
I got all the way there before I realized that I had forgotten my keys. So I retraced my steps to return. They buzzed me in and I went back up the 4 flights of stairs.
His Aunt seemed confused as I re-entered the apartment. She informed me that my daughter was already gone; her father decided that he was going to drive them both home.
They had left. He had left with her. He was driving… and he was drunk.
Immediately my heart started pounding. He said he was going to sleep here. He said that he wouldn’t take her in the car. If anything happens to my baby, I swear to god I will never be able to forgive myself. I felt my chest tighten; my face flushed hot with sheer terror and guilt.
Without thinking, I ran to the phone and called the police.
“Yes, his name is XXX and he is driving with our 5 month old baby girl. He is driving a Nissan, plate XXX-XXX. No sir, I don’t know which way he went, but he left here about 8 minutes ago…”
I turned to look at the door, which was now standing wide open. He had returned to get something and saw what I did.
I saw the drunk in his eyes as he staggered over towards me. He grabbed the phone from my hand and threw it across the room.
I started stepping backwards. I knew I would never get away, but it seemed like I could shrink. I got smaller and smaller as I backed into another room.
He would have punched me, but I was crouched on the floor. So he began kicking.
I ducked into a ball on the ground, as his foot slammed into my back over and over and over again… It seemed like forever until someone grabbed him and ripped him off my body.
If she had been killed on the road, I would have never forgiven myself.
That was just a beating I was going to have to take.
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Sometimes things happen in life that you have absolutely no control over whatsoever.that really sucks.i never think of the worst thing first.i always try to be optimistic and find the good rather than the bad.i always try to block out sad or bad things from my mind because i dont want to be upset or think about those things.when i do something wrong, or i do something to cause a problem, then i understand why it is happening.i might not be okay with it still, but at least i know where it came from.sometimes thats not always the case.sometimes actions are made that are beyond your control.it doesnt matter how you feel.it doesnt matter what you say.it doesnt matter how much you cry or wish it wasnt happening.nothing is going to actually change that ‘thing’ because its not your decision.
Some time after Kadence was born, Bobby and I decided we were going to have another baby. It was called the 5-year plan. We would have a baby by the time Kady would be 4 yrs of age and entering pre-school. So we figure conception marathon should start January 2008. We thought back base on the fact that it took us almost 6 mths to conceive Kady, by the time I conceived and delivered, Kady would be 4 yrs old. Wham, bam, 5-year plan! When January came; we were not ready! Our house was still under construction, we worked at home then went home and worked on our house. So I told Bobby, we should put the 5-year plan on the stand:( At least until we moved into our new home. We moved into our new home on mother’s day, May something?? I told Bobby, okay, 5-year plan off the stand. It was baby making time! Now not that I want to put our love life to shame but to be exact on my conception date, we only had sex four times in May. Okay! So we had a stressful month with deadlines and moving and all. Anyways, we had sex, I mean we made love May 9th, then Aunt Flo came to visit. After she left, we resumed baby making session on the 23rd, then on the 30th and again on June 6th. After that weekend of the 6th, I woke up Sunday morning, little hungover, worked around the house and around noon, I eyeballed my husband cracking open an ice cold Budlight Lime. Dam, it looked good. So when he turned his back, I wondered over and took a nice big swug. It was no more than five minutes that I lost my breakfast, last night’s dinner, and what felt like my whole innerds. I was like,”What? My body rejecting alcohol??” I shrug it off and went back to work on the house. Later on, my usual ritual consisted of cracking open a cold one and cooking a hot meal. Nope, not that night. I definitely cooked a hot meal but the cold one did not linger long. Dazed, confused, rid of all of my meals. I went to bed exhausted. I woke up Monday and went to work and all day, it felt like I was sailing the seven seas. I was swaying like my boat was in the middle of a perfect storm. I went home, cooked and went to bed without even saying hi to Anheiser. But Tuesday, I felt good. I took the kids to the park. Went fishing. Caught a catfish at a pond where you never were able to catch anything but skinny ole blue gills. But my boat did not dock long. Back at work Wednesday, June 11th, I was at sea again. I figured, since Aunt Flo visits like clockwork, she would make a visit today. But she didn’t………..So on the 12th, I paid a visit to Dr. EPT. At first his revelation stick showed me two single lines in two of the display windows and I thought, okay, no plus sign, I’m not pregnant. Only went I went back in my car to get back to work did I read the directions more precisely. Dang, like a dam battery, two negatives makes a positive. My dumb butt was looking for a plus sign! So sure enough, Dr. EPT said,”Yes you are pregnant!!!”. You might think that I sounded disappointed when I found out I was carrying but don’t get me wrong, I didn’t know I was married to Moby Dick the Sperm Whale. I mean what happened to 6 or 7 months of conception marathon?!?! Long and behold our 5-year plan held up it’s bargain. We have landed and the stork shall deliver around March of 2009. As soon as I had found out, I called Bobby and gave him the news. Of course, he did not believe me. I told him as soon as the baby is born, we’re cutting off his sperm bag. We can truly say, he will be our last child. With Chase, I feel complete contentment. My life, my loves, and my family. Together, we will journey life’s ups and downs. Life and love. Live and Laugh. This is a time period that I will call,”Awaiting Chase”………..March 2009.
I have once again been contacted by a supposedly Pro-Clinton, Anti-Obama group that claims to know what is best for Senator Clinton even if she says it isn’t what she wants. They are threatening to vote for McCain or not vote at all in the name of Senator Hillary Clinton. This was my response to them.
We struggle towards something or away from something or to remain in place, and in that struggle we grow stronger or weary, in a world that is nothing but itself.
There was a time in my life when Christians annoyed me. I remember them approaching me, thumpin’ their Bibles with their wide-eyed warnings and goofy grins. I was confused at how they could talk about the love and salvation of Jesus and the evil and destructive Apocalypse in the same breath. I remember them cautioning that I needed to prepare myself for Christ’s return because “the end was near”. I rejected their message and inwardly scoffed at how presumptuous and brainwashed I felt they were. Looking back, I realize that I refused to listen and study the Bible because I did not want the Christians to be right - my treasures were here on earth and I was not interested in focusing on the hereafter (“There are none who are as deaf as those who do not want to hear”). However, human beings are both flesh and spirit. Although my flesh was clinging to this world, my spirit ached for the eternal - and demanded that I do my homework.
So…
fast forward, here I am - a Bible thumper. I now understand the urgency behind the wide-eyed warnings and the love and hope behind the goofy grins. I understand that the Bible stands alone as God’s word to man and that no other book in human history speaks of the future like the Bible. Just as the B.C. generations were called to study Messianic prophecy in order to recognize Christ’s First Coming, we are called to study End Times prophecy to recognize the signs of His Second Coming. I have had amazing opportunities to learn from some of the best Bible prophecy/Middle East experts from around the world. How do they know that we are headed toward the tribulation hour? We are among the first generations to understand the following:
“Rise in scoffers/deception”
The Bible warns that near the End Times, there will be a rise in people scoffing at the Bible, Christians, and talk of Christ’s return. “Scoffers will come in the last days, walking according to their own lusts, and saying “Where is the promise of His coming?” (2 Peter 3:2) If you’re scoffing right now â you are a part of prophecy fulfilled ;). There will also be a rise in false teachers, false prophets, cults, messages that contradict the Bible and appeal to people’s sinful nature. Many of us are frustrated with the blatant displays of evil and abhorrence of facts, logic, reason… how some people can’t see the obvious. Daniel 12:10 warned us that in the end “The wicked shall do wickedly; and none of the wicked shall understand, but the wise shall understand.” 2 Timothy 3:6-7 tries to explain that ignorance of the Bible will lead to deception. As my pastor put it, “If you don’t know your Bible, you will be fooled.”
“Rise in pestilence, famines, earthquakes, natural disasters”
(Matthew 24:3-7) I recently had a government official at my school site. His job was to prepare/inform our staff of the procedures for lock down/quarantine concerning the spread of highly contagious pan epidemic flus/viruses. The National Oceanic and Atmosphere Administration stated that over the past 25 years we’ve experienced an increase in super storms and earthquakes like the world has never seen. According to Rev 16:18:“There will be such a mighty and great earthquake as has not occurred since men were on the earth.” Liberals have their scapegoat ready to go: Global Warming. The Left has appropriately renamed their religion “Climate Change”… and yes, our climate is and will continue to make some serious changes.
“Rebirth of Israel”
After the Romans sacked Jerusalem in 70 AD, the Jews were scattered across the earth - just as prophecy predicted (Deuteronomy 28:64). On May 14, 1948, after almost 1900 years, Israel became a state again and the Jews returned home. This event fulfilled Bible prophecy (Deut. 30:5, Is. 11:11-12, Ez. 36:24, Is. 66:8), and was nothing short of a miracle. Through his parables, Jesus cautioned that when Israel regains sovereignty, you will know that the End Times and Kingdom of God is near.
“Wars and rumors of wars”
“For nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom.” (Matthew 24:6-7). Wars are occurring all around the world, but the ultimate and final battle will be for Jerusalem. The demonic ideology of antisemitism is on the rise again. The Bible warns us of God’s punishment on the nation’s that divide Israel’s land (yet that is EXACTLY what we are trying to do) and that in the end, ALL nations will rise up against Israel and be punished for it (Zech 12:3, Joel 3:2). Revelation 9:16 discusses an army of 200 million that (combined with pestilence and natural disasters) will wipe out a third of mankind. As the world’s population rises above 6 billion, it is increasingly possible to amass an army of 200 million, but this would have been unthinkable even 100 years ago. In Zechariah 14:12, concerning the final battle it states “Their flesh shall dissolve while they stand on their feet, their eyes shall dissolve in their sockets, and their tongues shall dissolve in their mouths.” Past generations did not understand this type of instant and complete destruction, but we do â it’s describing how the human body reacts when exposed to an H-bomb.
“Knowledge Explosion”
The book of Daniel describes a great increase of knowledge that the world will experience towards the End Times. Revelations discusses how people from around the globe will be able to access knowledge instantly and simultaneously, that people from all over the world will watch the apocalyptic events as they are unfolding. While this was incomprehensible to past generations, it is common practice for us today thanks to television/internet/satellite (can we say web cams, cell phone videos, You Tube?). Our generation also understands how technology has paved the way for “the mark of the beast” (possibly a micro chip) that a person will have to have in order to “buy or sell”. This mark will also show your allegiance to the anti-Christ and his One World Religion. According to Rev. 20:4, those who refuse the mark will be beheaded. How is it that something as barbaric and ancient as beheadings will be common practice in the future? Here’s a possibility: “I will cast dread into the heart of the infidels: Strike off their heads then, and strike off from them every finger-tip” (Koran, Sura 8:12)
“Every single country mentioned in the Scriptures, regarding the end of time, that God punishes, for attacking Israel, is Muslim today⦠Do you have 365 days, eight hours a day, so I can show you what the Bible says about the coming Islamic invasion of the world? It’s all over Scripture! God didn’t forget to tell us. You forgot to read the Bible. It is all in there.” ~Walid Shoebat
Walid Shoebat is an ex-PLO terrorist and converted Muslim. As he studied the Bible he realized that Islam’s savior, Mahdi (aka: the Twelfth Imam) is the anti-Christ of the Bible. According to Shoebat, the Bible names the anti-Christ as ruler of the world, but specifically names: “Assyrian” (Syria),”Persian” (Iran), “King of Babylon” (Iraq), “Prince of Tyre” (Lebanon), “Pharoah of Egypt”. The anti-Christ will want to change time (hello lunar calendar), change laws (hello Sharia), will have a disdain for women (hello burka) and persecute Christians, Jews and all others who refuse to accept him (hello infidels) (Daniel 7:25, 11:37, Revelations). The Islamic world has announced that Mahdi will be returning soon. According to Islamic belief, Mahdi will dominate the world, confirm a peace treaty, abolish the treaty half way through (what is known to Muslims as hudna and al-taqiyya), persecute the infidels, attempt to destroy Israel… sound familiar? It’s not only Bible prophecy (Zechariah, Daniel, Revelations) it’s Islamic prophecy as well.
Jesus says that although we will not know the exact hour, we will know He is returning by the signs. “So you also, when you see these things happening, know that it is near â at the doors”. (Mark 13:29)
With wars raging, the dollar falling, Islam rising, natural disasters and pan epidemics looming, our choice of candidates for the ’08 elections - why the goofy grin? I have found the ultimate treasure and it is not of this world.
“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:19-20
that the insides of my abdomen look like a train wreck. Not only do i have extensive endometriosis (check out the Endometriosis Association to find out what that is), but I also have ovarian cysts the size of golf balls, uterine fibroids, more scar tissue than you can shake a stick at, and an unnamed growth on my uterus. Oh, and every month the endometriosis tissue causes me to bleed internally. Fun stuff. At least now the stupid effin TennCare gynecologist finally sees that I really am in a shitload of pain and prescribed me some Percoset. And noone needs to start calling me asking to buy some off of me either. It’s mine and I need it. The next step is a full hysterectomy- so looking forward to that. Not.