You got the Love

This is an informal blog, an intro to get some background and explain myself and give you insight into my gratitude.

I started my internship at the Zoo yesterday. I would like to start documenting my amazing journey. I was a little distracted going in there; all the little details of life kind of filling my mind with useless junk. I guess ultimately it was all about me wanting to be loved. Sex is easy, but Love is hard to find, otherwise it would not be special when it happens. So my mind is filled with confusion and useless conversations, on the way to the Zoo. I have not been to the Zoo in 6 years and they have done a lot of renovation.

Let me back up and say, that I have always loved Gorillas since I was a little kid. I cried for days after seeing King Kong get killed on the twin towers. After all, he only wanted to chill with the hot blond woman (Jessica Lang) in the forest. Thats all I wanted to do too (lol). My mom took me to the zoo when I was 8 years old, in D.C. I absolutely did not want to leave the primate area. Every-time they tried to take me away I would cry. They ended up leaving me there for an hour, only getting me away by promising that we could come back later. This is how I always was at the Zoo. I just have some sort of Affinity for primates, particularly Gorillas and Orangutans. I stopped going to the Zoo because I get too emotional for days afterwards, feeling powerless, wishing I could do something to help them. For those reasons I stopped watching all the documentaries on Gorillas, especially Highland Mountain Gorillas in Africa and Orangutans in Indonesia. I actually dated a woman while I was in California who had gotten married (and then divorced later) by a native Indonesian tribe who lived amongst Orangutans. She had pictures of Orangutans and had hung out with Birute Galdikas, one of Leakey’s Angels (the orangutan equivalent of Jane Goodall (Chimps) and Diane Fossey (Gorillas)). I also read Diane Fossey’s book Gorillas in the Midst and her biography Women in the Midst. So needless to say these are my favorite animals on earth. This has a lot to do with how I can relate to there peaceful nature, there human expressions, the fact that they are primarily vegetarian and all they want to do is eat, lay around in the sun and have sex with each other. Is that not all we want to do and what we DO on our summer vacations (lol)? So naturally I get very upset when I see their land taken from them, or when they are needlessly butchered. With so much money in the world, if only people cared like I do, we could improve their lives so easily. For example, it was said that for 10 million dollars we could stop the killing of the Gorilla in the Congo. Without getting into details about that, how many people, sport stars, movie stars, corporate millionairesand billionaires could give that much money away without blinking. What is life for? You cannot take it with you, but you could prolong a species. For less than 1 million dollars the Orangutans at the Pittsburgh Zoo could be given an outdoor enclosure.

Ok, so nevertheless, I was ecstatic to get an Internship at the Zoo working with Gorillas. Let me tell you a little more of my back-story. I am not ashamed to admit that I am a recovering drug addict in a 12-step program. I quit drugs and alcohol 3 years ago. I will not get into it too much, but summarize it to say; I was very depressed, an under-achiever and on the verge of suicide. This is a large reason why I am a ‘late bloomer’ in life. It is a large reason why I am also probably single. I was a neglected child and I did not hit puberty till I was 16, so I have historically been extremely shy with women. Raised by my mother and sister I am very sensitive to a woman’s needs, although I am a masculine guy I have a soft side that I am proud of, since my mother raised me. I am proud because I do not think I am a jerk, like a lot of men are in many ways. Never the less I have been shy. I have come a long way and am a lot more assertive and gentlemanly then I ever have been. I also have learned a lot from my past long term relationships. I am a much nicer person and a good communicator as a result. So since I have gotten clean my life has really changed a lot. Six months off of drugs I went back to school for computer science. One day after calculus two, I saw that Pitt had an Environmental Studies department and was hosting an open house with free pizza. I immediately felt more at home there than in the Computer Science department. Since I have always been passionate about animals I thought about staying. It was also at this time I found a new favorite band EPICA, who oddly enough were singing about making a difference in the world and not having money be a factor in your life. Here I met some friends, Ashley Schmidt and Mark Collins, some awesome people. So I was debating the change, listening to EPICA and walking back to the Comp Sci Department. When I arrived the computer science kids were talking about killing animals, running over frogs and turtles in cars. I could not believe my ears and made my decision right then.
I did not want all my credits to go to waste so I switched to Information Science, since it is also a little easier with two degrees and decided to do both. Things can happen fast. My first semester in Environmental Studies I undergone a transformation. I spearheaded a tree planting effort and ended up planting 300 trees in Pittsburgh, 250 in city parks and I gave 50 to 6-8th grade Charter school kids in the North Side. I changed my email address from deathmetalhippy (my myspace handle) to pittsburghsplantingtrees at gmail. I did something I was very proud of. I started to express my affection to women, something I was historically afraid of. They always had to be the aggressor. I started to love myself, dress nicer, have confidence, be consistently nice and proud of myself and have started to be assertive. I already have an outgoing, funny and friendly personality so things are looking up.
This is part of the miracle that happened. During the Environmental Campaign class at Pitt I made a friend, Angel Ip, she really supported my tree planting campaign and was a strong advocate in my corner. She knew I was passionate about primates, because of my Chimp Shirt and because I would get excited and animated talking about them. She told me I should talk to Christina. She was involved in a ‘Removing Plastic Bags’ Campaign and was also passionate about Gorillas. Christina and I bonded over our love for primates. Later I was jealous to hear that she got an Internship at the Zoo working with primates – with Gorillas! She had awesome photo’s and I was so jealous but very happy for her. Months later she informed me she had to leave Pittsburgh and the Zoo needed a replacement – ME! So I started at the Zoo yesterday working with my all time favorite animal the Gorilla! If I had not gotten clean and sober, had I not had the energy displaying my passion for animals, had Angel not been my friend and introduced me to Christine, had I Not listened to EPICA and had my friends not joked about killing turtles. What I am saying…it was a combination of positive action, my energy and fate, which led me to where I am today. Three years clean and sober and living a dream. On the beginning of a path I was always meant to travel.

I knew when I picked the two degrees, one is my passion and would not yield much money, and the other my skills and I could make money. So I chose both. To that end it all worked as planned. I am planting trees and working with primates for free, and programming for an Internet advertising company, selling real estate, for very good money.Yeah I am working 7 days a week, but doing what I always dreamed of doing. This is the beginning and the future looks bright. All is going as planned. I just thank God, my friends and my family and my 12-step program for helping me get on this awesome path.